“An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escaloaor temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”

“This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard.”

“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”

“I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.”
“I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.”

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.”

“When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.”

“I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important that others.”

“My friend said to me “You know what I like? Mashed poatoes,” I was like, Dude, you gotta give me time to guess. If your ging to quiz me, you must put a pause in there.”

“I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you’re blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit.”